oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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