Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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