turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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