that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
