i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
