Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
