We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
