Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
