She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
