but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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