I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
