The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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