it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
