I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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