One girl and one boy is just not enough.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
