My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
