i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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