The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Two words: blizzard sex
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
