just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
