I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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