My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
