I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize