Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
