I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The adults are the big ones right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
