when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry about my life...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
