dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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