He kissed a someone with a penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
