Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
