I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
never play flip cup with pint glasses
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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