I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
