I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
