How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
