Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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