party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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