i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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