I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Boobs speak an international language.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
