The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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