In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
