please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
