Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
