we made out on top of his cat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
