he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
