If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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