if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
