we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
