He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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