Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
