In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
