Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
