My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
