I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
